Day 4 of the new Me

Day 2 was pretty bad since the night of Day 1 was very bad. Day 2 consisted of going to church, bawling my eyes out after and getting in yet another fight at home, then spending several hours pouring my heart out to a cousin, coming home to post rent and basically call it a night. Day 3 well that went a LOT better! Spent the whole Day 3 with C and it was awesome. Life is so much better when the roommate is not here and we can spend time together working on everything in our own home. Car stopped working yesterday morning for some unknown reason but we think it's the fuel filter. C is going to check on it later today if time otherwise tomorrow.  C took me to my doctor appointment this morning then went and visited with some folks at district 9 while he waited for me. I found a really good doctor to be able to work on things and feel better. I'm so ready to feel better. C dropped me off this afternoon at M's so that I could work all afternoon and then he came back and picked me up. We went into town and ran some errands and grabbed dinner then came home. On the way home we talked a bunch and we talked a bunch more over dinner. He has been so supportive and just wants me to feel better. He does want to work on things and later this spring/early summer we are planning to be able to do some fun things together. 

It's interesting that when everything came about last month and I said I would be there for him how now the table has reversed and he's going to wait for me. I guess it's my turn now. It reminds me of something from the movie Fireproof that the one thing you don't do is leave your partner behind. The movie is about a man who is a firefighter whose marriage is in trouble and his dad encourages him to do a 40 day love dare to try to save his marriage. In those 40 days he finds himself and also how to save his marriage. He also teaches another firefighter not to leave his partner behind but then is able to apply the same message to his marriage. It's an amazing movie and I highly recommend it. 

C and I aren't married but the concept still applies and the desire to work on everything is helping us be more honest with each other, open and work on things with each other, creating a deeper more meaningful bond of love. We would like to get married some day....but first we have to take this challenging journey. 

Dad D/stepdad, told me he would come around and he was right. Hope is a good thing to have. This is better:

"If I speak in the tongues^a of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^b but have not love, I gain nothing.4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Day 1 was 'Love is patient', Day 2 was 'Love is kind', yesterday/Day 3 was 'Love is not selfish', and today/Day 4 is 'Love is thoughtful'. Love requires thoughtfulness-on both sides-the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse/partner uniquely thinks.